I’ve spent more Valentine’s Days single than I once cared to confess to. Which is probably why the concept of pets as superior to people appeals so utterly.
Is it wholly fair? OK, so the pet to paramour comparison is not always apt. It does, nonetheless, make for excellent therapy when one is in need of such pithy attacks on romance and all its institutions ... with Hallmark-hawking Valentine’s Day foremost among these.
So it is with this week’s undeservedly celebrated day on the brain that I offer all single women (and men!) the chance to thumb their nose at the notion that they’re incomplete. After all, when you’ve a pet at home to cuddle with and adore, is there anything you’re really missing?
I think not.
Read on for confirmation that pets really are better than boyfriends (boys, re-work these to reflect your distinctly masculine POV):
1. Pets are great listeners. Whether you’re dealing with a hard day at work, a jealous friend, or an over-bearing mother, you always have their uninterrupted attention.
2. Pets are happy to skip the ball game or bar night and stay in & “help” you cook. While boyfriends may be critical of your culinary skills, pets will lap it up & beg for more.
3. They like you just the way you are. You can get a bad haircut, wear your sweats all day, go lip gloss-free or gain a few pounds. But to them, you’re perfect in every way.
4. You can almost always teach an old pet new tricks. Boyfriends, on the other hand, can take many years of coaching & still be unsuitable to take out in public.
5. Your parents will love your pets (they might even call them their “grandchildren”). There’s no approval needed when you bring home new babes –– they’ll feed & spoil them –– even if they so cause a “stink.”
6. Pets love your friends and they’re always down to hang. Bring along some treats and dogs, in particular, are happy to join in on any girly excursion.
7. They love to snuggle up any time of day or night. If you’re sick, they’ll cuddle with you for hours and won’t say a word about your current aesthetic state or number of Kleenexes on the bed.
8. Pets are happy to join in (or observe) any exercise routine –– and unlike a boyfriend, they won’t judge your technique, try to time your reps, or correct your form.
9. They always let you watch what you want (but you might be sharing the popcorn). The remote is all yours.
10. You’re never too old for your pets. They’ll never prefer a younger owner and they’ll love you no matter how many miles on your clock, or wrinkles around your eyes.
Thanks to Honest Kitchen who supplied this year’s well-received Valentine’s Day message! (OK so I made a few tweaks on my end, but they still get all the cred.)
Now it’s your turn: How do YOUR pets offer you more than mere romance?
PS: In case you think me too harsh on the whole V-Day thing, keep in mind that I suffer from Tongue-in-Cheek disease. Proof? My boyfriend and fellow aflictee has penned a hilarious post on Why Guitars Are Better Than Girlfriends."